19 Wines: Martha and Me

A review of 19 Crimes’ “Martha’s Chard” Chardonnay

Hello friends! This is Em Santella Everett here to present the first edition in my guest series, 19 Wines, where I’m going to review each bottle in Treasury Wine Estates’ 19 Crimes portfolio. 

I’m not going to lie to y’all, I thought Snoop Dogg owned this wine line. I’m not sure whether or not this is a common misconception, because on one hand he did partner with Treasury Wine Estates for an augmented reality bit as part of their Living Labels app, and a number of bottles feature his face on the label; on the other hand, this could just be an assumption I made because my mother confidently told me so. Regardless, I’m still here to present a review of each bottle that Charlie and I drink, even though this misunderstanding was what drew me to the wines in the first place. 

So, without further ado, let’s get into my review of 19 Crimes Chardonnay: Martha’s Chard. 

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I’m going through a Martha Stewart phase right now. 

I’m not the only one: Martha’s having a bit of a moment in the pop culture space. She’s mentioned in Ina Garten’s recent memoir, where the Barefoot Contessa reflects on their friendship and falling out (Martha claims Ina dropped her like a hot potato when she went to prison; Ina states in her memoir they fell out of touch when Ina moved to Connecticut). Martha, a Netflix documentary, was recently released on October 30^th. And, perhaps in response to both of these news hits, Eater has been running a series of Martha – themed articles that I’ve been devouring, among them Jaya Saxena’s “Martha Stewart’s ‘Entertaining’ Let Me Party Like It Was 1982.” 

But what’s Martha Stewart doing on a 19 Crimes label? Insider trading isn’t one of the nineteen crimes that the wines are showcasing. If you buy a bottle of Martha’s Chard expecting to find one of the nineteen crimes listed on the cork, as will happen in other bottles, you’re shit out of luck. It’s just a nice little sketch of Martha’s face. I have added it to my wine cork collection. 

The bottle’s label will tell you that Martha fits in with the rest of the 19 Crimes gang because she’s a rule breaker, an innovator, and an icon that built her own domestic empire. Her drive “embodies the timeless values of the 19 Crimes mavericks who came before her.” 

Sure, okay, whatever – but how’s the wine? 

Charlie: It sure does taste like a chard. 

Me: I think we need some further investigating. 

Charlie: Okay, it’s got some notes of honey. Tastes almost mead-y. No fruit flavors. I think it’s yucky. 

Me: I don’t think it’s yucky. You get those “buttery” notes that are often in chardonnays. I think it’s a full-bodied white wine.

Charlie: You don’t know what that means. 

Me: Doesn’t matter! It’s my review. 

Perhaps my mistake was going into this tasting experience after already having one double-shot gin and tonic. I was a little silly. The wine tasted like wine and that was all I wanted. 

The wine might be nothing more than fine, but the experience, for me, was perfect. I was cooking dinner and trying out a new technique with an old favorite recipe. I was chatting with Charlie on and off about the wine, this review, plans for tomorrow and plans for the farther future. I was picturing myself stepping into the role of a supreme hostess in their pre-planning phase, sipping on a glass of Martha’s Chard while menu planning for Thanksgiving or decorating for Christmas. 

That’s a fairly lovely time for $10.49 a bottle.  

If you’re a big chardonnay fan and you have to try something new to check it off your list, or you’re a little bit too preoccupied with Martha Stewart, the 19 Crimes Martha’s Chard might be a good bottle for you to open. But otherwise, I won’t sell it too hard – the wine itself is ok. 

Because this is still Charlie’s blog, I was asked to create a small playlist to go with the wine. I humbly present my five-song playlist below, which really pays homage to Martha Stewart (& Snoop) and her on-and-off again pop culture influence, and not the wine. 

Thanks for reading! Catch you next time.